While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
