I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
