Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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