I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
