I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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