walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
