You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Randomize
