Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
