woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
