He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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