There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
