All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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