My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize