Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize