the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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