at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
