How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
