i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
