Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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