You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
this is an emotional support booty call
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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