just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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