She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
