Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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