that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
