you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
