Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
