god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
This house was built for laser tag.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
