This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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