my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Randomize
