I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
