I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
