Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize