I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
