Don't make out with my wife yet
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
