I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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