I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
