No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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