I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
