butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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