I'm really into asian looking animals
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
