omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
