I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
