my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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