Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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