I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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