i just had sex bonerless
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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