Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
