You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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