I have demons in me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
