It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
