dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
birth control should be required to get into college
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Come share oat with me in your robe
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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