Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
it glows. i had to have it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
