I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
