I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
