apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
