If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
