I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Someone came in the potted fern
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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