Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
