My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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