If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
