I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
