He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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