K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize