I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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