btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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