The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
