I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Four minutes until I can fart!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
