What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
