My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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