dude i'm inner monologue high
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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