Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
