just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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