Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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